71/365

Katie responded to the picture I posted yesterday. "Yes, you do look very serious," she said, "You give the impression of being serious, y'know."

Her tone of voice suggested I needed to lighten up. At least, that's what I read into it.

Naturally, I've worried about that. I'm a worrier. I worry about whether I worry too much. I worry whether I wear the world as a loose garment. I take the most idle comment to heart and worry it like a puppy with an old dish towel.

So, I asked someone who's known me a little longer. Cheri has known me as a co-worker for a little over six years.

I do favors for Sherry. I know a bit more about computers than she, and have helped her navigate the cyber world several times. I've notarized several documents the past few weeks, having to do with a death in her family. I see these actions as what any caring human being would do for another. But Sherry sees them as favors.

So, maybe she's biased. But she said she doesn't see me as serious. "Reserved," she said, "but not overly serious."

And her tone of voice suggested this was just a part of who I am. No value judgment.

Yes, I'm reserved. I'm careful with my feelings - up to a point. Once I dive into a friendship or romance, I dive down all the way. I strip and give all the affection I have. But it takes a while to get to that point.

With yesterday's picture, I was consciously trying to create a companion to the picture I posted at Love During Wartime - right down to the bandanna. It took some effort to get the camera aimed at the right spot - I had four spoils. I set up a light to off-set the glare coming through the window behind me. I had ten seconds from the time I pressed the shutter on the camera to the time I sat and posed.

Smiling would have been gravy, on top of all that.

Actually, there is a picture I took Saturday where I believe I have a hint of a smile. I may post it toward the end of the week. I'll be interested how others perceive it.

60/365

I had my job interview yesterday morning. The interviewer was a hard man to read, and I have no clue which way he is leaning related to my possible employ in his section.  I am cautiously optimistic.

I am aware of one other person who has been interviewed twice. Ironically, this person is the son of a friend of mine. The young man is fresh out of college; he's graduated, so he has that going for him.

On the other hand, I have five years of experience doing the basic things the job calls for.

The interviewer said he expects to make a final decision by the middle of this month (Mar). The Staff Asst is a friend of mine, and thinks she will know how good my chances are by this Fri (tomorrow).  I'll certainly keep you posted.

Two people sent recommendations via e-mail, and blind copied me.  I felt like Huck or Tom, eavesdropping at my own funeral.  One is a Professor in the relevant dept, and I hope that will give me extra points. The other was my supervisor in the position I held previous to my current one, and he also had glowing words.

I have chosen not to talk to my current supervisor until things seem more certain.  If I'm not in the running, or offered the position, no harm. If my friend in the other department reports I'm in the top five (or equivalent), that's the point it seems appropriate to talk to my current supervisor.

After the interview, I was exhausted.  I was keyed up last week about a grant deadline, and keyed up this week by the possibility of positive change. Consequently, have not had a restful sleep in a little over a week. 

The church has mid-week programs during Lent. Evening Prayer at 5:30, dinner at 6 (last night it was a soup buffet), a brief presentation, then the choice of 3-4 small groups.

I did attend one of the small groups, but recognized I was getting tired a little before 8, and sneaked out. I changed into lounge once I got home, and promptly fell asleep on the couch.  Woke up enough to watch most of "Lost", then went to bed and went back to sleep.

Woke up at midnight, but went back to sleep not long after.

Even if this job opportunity does not pan out, I'm encouraged to look at job listings more often, based on the knowledge I could be earning more for what I'm currently doing.

59/365

I interview this morning for the job I mention in my previous entry. I got better rest last night, and feel more ready to visit with my prospective employer than I would have been at the same time yesterday morning.

I believe I need to focus on three things during the interview:
- Be natural; be myself; visit as I would with a friend
- Look the interviewer(s) in the eye
- Remain positive about my current employer and current situation

I have not yet informed my current employer about this opportunity. I have chosen to keep my own council until I have a good sense whether I will be offered the position. If it isn't offered, no harm. If it is ... well, we'll deal with that at the time.

It has been hard to keep this secret. There are two or three dear friends I will greatly miss. Two in particular have called on my computer skills frequently, and I wonder whether they can find a similar resource if I leave.

Funny how I felt a little sad about that yesterday. Seems a chunk of my neurosis is expressed through co-dependency.

Send positive thoughts this way. If you pray, pray that my prospective employer and I allow God's will to work through us this morning; pray that we discern whether this will be a positive and fruitful collaboration.

58/365

Monday was a unique day in many ways. I obeyed an impulse to transcribe a poem in a card I sent to Alexandria. This task delayed my departure from the house; additionally, I chose to swing a bit out of my way to mail the card. These two choices caused me to be later to work than normal - by all of 5-10 minutes. I was still at my desk at least 20 minutes before I was supposed to be.

Why I choose to get to work 30 minutes early most days is another discussion.

The change in routine - and general tiredness - really threw me off. I left my office keys and ID tag in the car. I was able to follow a co-worker in the door, and chose to go back for the keys and ID after I had settled in a bit. Coffee was a necessity.

On my way to the coffee pot, Cyndia, a dear friend and co-worker, called me over. She had heard a rumor that someone in the Dean's Office (where I had previously worked) was seriously ill - on death's door. I promised to check with a source in the Dean's Office to verify the rumor.

I got my coffee, and decided to stop into the Dean's Office on my way back to my cube. Sarah confirmed the rumor, and also told me my former supervisor had broken her leg. Sarah asked me how my job was going, and I vented some frustrations.

"You know, there's a similar position in another department. I know they've asked someone back for a second interview, but you might call and see if the position is still open."

So, I called. Ironically, I had interviewed with this person when I was originally seeking a position on campus.

The interview was positive, though informal. In order to have a formal interview, I have to navigate the baffles & chambers of the campus Human Resources office.

Assuming I successfully navigate those waters; assuming I'm offered the position; assuming I accept -
Although the duties are essentially the same as my current position, the title would more accurately reflect my responsibilities. The new position is professional (which has pluses and minuses). The base pay would constitute a meaningful raise - a little over $400/month.

Any wonder I was excited by this possibility? Any wonder I spent the rest of the morning creating a brief CV from memory, and officially applying for the position on-line?

Any wonder I had trouble getting to sleep last night?