71/365

Katie responded to the picture I posted yesterday. "Yes, you do look very serious," she said, "You give the impression of being serious, y'know."

Her tone of voice suggested I needed to lighten up. At least, that's what I read into it.

Naturally, I've worried about that. I'm a worrier. I worry about whether I worry too much. I worry whether I wear the world as a loose garment. I take the most idle comment to heart and worry it like a puppy with an old dish towel.

So, I asked someone who's known me a little longer. Cheri has known me as a co-worker for a little over six years.

I do favors for Sherry. I know a bit more about computers than she, and have helped her navigate the cyber world several times. I've notarized several documents the past few weeks, having to do with a death in her family. I see these actions as what any caring human being would do for another. But Sherry sees them as favors.

So, maybe she's biased. But she said she doesn't see me as serious. "Reserved," she said, "but not overly serious."

And her tone of voice suggested this was just a part of who I am. No value judgment.

Yes, I'm reserved. I'm careful with my feelings - up to a point. Once I dive into a friendship or romance, I dive down all the way. I strip and give all the affection I have. But it takes a while to get to that point.

With yesterday's picture, I was consciously trying to create a companion to the picture I posted at Love During Wartime - right down to the bandanna. It took some effort to get the camera aimed at the right spot - I had four spoils. I set up a light to off-set the glare coming through the window behind me. I had ten seconds from the time I pressed the shutter on the camera to the time I sat and posed.

Smiling would have been gravy, on top of all that.

Actually, there is a picture I took Saturday where I believe I have a hint of a smile. I may post it toward the end of the week. I'll be interested how others perceive it.

19/365: Dream

I had a wild dream in the early hours. I woke somewhere between 2:30 and 3:00, and skated on the edge of sleep until the alarm went off at 5:30. At which point rising from bed was a challenge.

In the dream, I had returned to college and was living in a two story dorm. The building appeared to be as much of a house as a dorm, although it also resembled the dorm I lived in when I originally attended college.

My room was on the second floor, and appeared larger than an average dorm room. It was also somewhat rustic, with distressed wood interior. It resembled the interior of a cabin.

I stored some possessions in the room, then left.

When I returned to the dorm, I could not get to the second floor. There was a rickety stairwell on the east side of the building, but it was broken well below the door. I remembered dorms often have inner stairwells at the mid-point of the building, so I entered through the first floor and ran down the hall. There was a stairwell at the mid-point, but ingress to the second floor was blocked.

So I went to the west end of the building. I had to go back outside in order to get to the stairwell. This stairwell ended at a landing, where there was an open elevator shaft, but no call button. The elevator was an open cage.

The elevator stopped well over my head, as if between floors. I was getting frustrated.

I found my roommate, and asked him how we were supposed to get to the second floor. He told me our room was actually a sort of duplex, and could be entered through the first floor.

So, we entered through his part of the duplex, where there was a tight spiral staircase. The space was so narrow, it was almost impassable.

Later, I tried to find the downstairs entrance of this duplex, and the door seemed to be hidden. Meanwhile, some type of lecture was taking place in a meeting room at the west end of the dorm building.

The speaker was a young woman I am acquainted with in waking life. We met for a light lunch following her presentation.

All through this, in the waking world, my cat was peacefully sleeping between my knees.